Earlier today I had a work review. Phrases like “Allergic to any form of actual work” were used. I thought it was hilarious. Knowing that I personally made someone come up with euphemisms for “Doesn’t do shit”, tell me these things as if I am unaware, expecting me to change it, and doing all this for 45 minutes AT WORK is actually a pretty fantastic way to take a dent out of the day. I managed to squeeze that meeting in between my extended coffee break and my extended lunch. As a result, I accomplished even less than usual. Anyone who has ever seen me move will agree, that that is quite impressive.

The Oilers seemed to have a different strategy against the Predators. No they didn’t goof off, drink beer at the office or leave 30 minutes early every day; However, the results ended up being exactly the same. I just do it more lazily efficiently.

1st Period:

• The Oilers controlled the play the whole period out shooting the Preds 22-4
• The Oilers didn’t allow a shot until after five minutes into the game
• The Leon Draisaitl line looks really good and draws a penalty
• The Oilers do not score on the Powerplay
• Connor McDavid is revealed to have had Strep throat. See guys, I told you it wasn’t the flu
• Although the Oilers looked really good, the Period would end 0-0

2nd Period:

• Naturally, the Oilers got scored on first. Pontus Aberg deflected a Matthias Ekholm point shot past Laurent Brossoit
• Yes, this is clearly a high stick but this is the NHL. Even with video reviews, they’re not going to make their refs look blind. The call on the ice always stands.
• The Oilers still had the pressure going but couldn’t convert
• Oscar Klefbom puts the puck over the glass and has to sit for two
• Our Awful Penalty kill gets scored on. 2-0
• This period feels really long
• Kyle Turris makes it 3-0
• We get two penalties and we get to see if we look better down 2 men than 1
• We don’t 4-0

3rd Period

Border Patrol:

A girl tries to come into Canada with a fake ID in her wallet. The border security gives her the option to cut it up or get a citation. This is giving me flashbacks. The exact same thing happened to me when I was 18. I got my wallet searched when I was crossing and they found my fake birth certificate and a crappy home made Camberlade College ID. It looked awful, I’d imagine it’s way easier to get a fake ID now than it was back then. They told me they were going to use mine for training purposes.

A guy comes tries to cross the Vancouver border with all of his possessions. It’s quite clear that he has no intention of leaving the country. To make it worse, he only has $17 to his name. I can assure you, the last thing Vancouver needs is more bums, they have a whole team of them playing in their downtown Rogers Arena. You know what, Edmonton doesn’t have a shortage of those either.

Notes:

• The Oilers had a lot of shots, but none of them were of the high quality variety. At some point this becomes a coaching issue.
• Patrick Maroon must have been a healthy scratch because I didn’t even notice him out there.
• I may have witnessed Zack Kassian successfully argue his way out of a penalty. That puts him 1/10000 for his career. Aka, slightly higher than the Oilers shooting%
• I hate a lot about the way this team loses. I’m no longer buying into the process, I think something needs to change immediately.
• Border Security is actually a pretty crappy show, I’ll be finding something better for the next time the Oilers decide to ruin, an otherwise, perfectly fine day.
• If you’re still reading this, I do apologize for the lack of effort. It’s just, watching this team is exhausting and I’d rather get the point across the easy way. With less than 700 words.