I’m too disappointed to come up with an interesting intro. This just keeps happening, and it keeps happening in worse and worse ways. So, before I go any further, I’m going to let Negan give you the proper preparation for this recap.

Alright, are you now wearing the appropriate attire? I’ll get started.

Gene Principe dressed as Disco Stu tonight for our pre-game. Look how happy he is, he has no idea what’s about to transpire.

1st Period:

Connor McDavid comes flying into the zone 2-on-1 with Patrick Maroon. McDavid gets the outside lane, completes the pass to Maroon who one-times it but misses the net.

A few minutes later Adam Larsson tips in a shot to make it 1-0. Unfortunately, it was a Vladimir Tarasenko and it went into the Oilers net. 1-0.

A minute or so after that, Dmitrij Jaskin battles along the half wall with Ryan Strome. Jaskin maintains control, spins and takes a weak wrist shot that beats Cam Talbot up high.

That was a bad goal, it’s one Talbot has to save. Todd McLellan agrees and gives him the early hook. 2 goals on 3 shots is going to do that.

Half way through the period, Sportsnet gets its scheduled technical issue out of the way. They kicked a sound cable and we were without the invaluable commentary of Drew Remenda for a minute. It is kind of funny that Sportsnet does this. They must have spent so much money bidding for the broadcast rights that they too little left to operate.

Some St. Louis fan is playing Seven Nation Army on the trumpet and it’s really annoying. If the Blues marketing is so proud of the trumpet, maybe they should actually wear that jersey. You know the one I mean.

With just under two minutes left, McDavid gets a few chances. He skates the puck in close, tries to do the between-the-legs shot but misses the net.

When they go to collect the puck out of the cornet, Milan Lucic hits a Blues player without the puck and gets called for roughing. These selfish, offensive zone penalties really need to stop.

The Oilers kill off the first half of the penalty and retreat to the locker room only down 2-0.

Still, 7 shots that period sure as hell isn’t going to beat anyone.

2nd Period:

The Oilers kill the rest of the Lucic penalty despite not looking particularly good on the PK.

St. Louis is getting a lot more chances early. It’s not a fun game to watch right now. Well, it might be alright if you’re a Blues fan.

Jaden Schwartz makes it 3-0 on one of St. Louis’s many chances from the slot. This game is really tarting to remind me of that disaster against the Red Wings a few weekends ago. The boys are lifeless and drained. Maybe it’s time to look toward tomorrow’s opponent.... Oh.

Alright, Oilers get a powerplay immediately after. Drake Cagguila gets tripped up by Brayden Schenn. We really need a goal here.

We did not get a goal there.

Matt Benning fights Tarasenko for some reason, Larsson takes a penalty for hooking and the shots are 22-11 St. Louis to end the period.

I spoke too soon. Schenn makes it 4-0 Blues. Now the period is over.

3rd Period:

Lucic gets a goal from Cagguila and McDavid. Apparently that is the new top line. 4-1

Being down by three lasts one minute and twenty seconds, before Oiler policy dictates that we surrender a goal. This one is the Pride of Ft. McMurray, Scottie Upshall from Chris Thorburn and Kyle Brodziak. 5-1

Seriously, have you ever been to Ft. McMurray? Every bar there has at least two framed Upshall jerseys.

Five minutes after that, Tarasenko scores. 6-1. Assists to Alex Pietrangelo and Schwartz.

Two minutes later, Schenn makes it 7-1 and I’m turning off the TV.

Apparently Draisaitl scored to make it a super respectable 7-2 game.

Stasnty didn’t like the score being that close and made it 8-2

Darnell Nurse got his first of the year from Ryan Nugent-Hopkins and Draisaitl. Draisaitl is now a point per game player on the year and a defenseman got a goal. I really wish it mattered. It doesn’t. 8-3

Final score: 8-3

Notes:

• Cam Talbot needs to start making saves. This is ridiculous.
• Why won’t a Oiler players shoot on their backhand? The only player willing to do that is Zack Kassian when he’s on a breakaway and he misses the net and falls down.
• I think we’re creeping close to McLellan getting the ax. It’s probably not fair and I don’t think he’s a major problem, but something has to happen.
• This loss was a team effort. Complete disgrace.
• I’m really running out of things to say about this team. It’s just simply not good enough. Actually, it’s not good at all.
• 8-3
• Next disaster is tomorrow against the Red Wings. Wear the appropriate pants this time.