Sit down, Chicago.

Today the inferior Chicago Blackhawks barely snuck a shootout win by the superior Edmonton Oilers. With Vermette. Like, not even an actual Blackhawk.

The Oilers clobbered the Blackhawks with 47 shots on goal. (The Blackhawks in return responded with 39 shots of their own).

The Oilers, so confident in their ability to embarrass the Blackhawks, skated a defensive squad of teenage AHLers along with Derek Roy, some guy the Oilers picked up on waivers. That was almost too much to handle for those slapheads in the windy city.

The Blackhawks scooted around like children pushing chairs around at the public skate.

Ben Scrivens was a ninja today and hats off to him. Derek Roy was an animal. Oscar Klefbom had a bazillion shots including a ringer off the crossbar. Seriously though, Klefbom led the Oilers with seven shots. And they were tasty. So like, whatever, Chicago.

The game went to shootout and Vermette got lucky as the last of six shooters.

That was absolutely pathetic, Chicago. You’re awful. Good luck with that Stanley Cup thing with that loser display of stupid. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

Yours,
Edmonton

Highlights

First period

18:00 Derek Roy and Teddy Purcell enter the zone hard with a spectacular backhand pass by Roy to Purcell who puts it on net.
Later Pouliot checks Niklas Hjalmarsson and the glass pops out and it cracks a lady in the head. Medics are required. Her head gets bandaged up and she stays to watch the game with blood on her face. Way to go, lady! Short break as they replace the glass.
8:24 OILERS PENALTY Justin Schultz high sticking drawn by Brandon Saad
Klefbom numerous shots. Great penalty kill
4:45 OILERS GOAL Roy from Yakupov. Yakupov wins the battle behind the net and puts it out to Roy. Crawford slides to left of net expecting backhand from Roy. Roy spins around and puts it straight in the open net. 1 - 0 Oilers.
1:00 Derek Roy almost gets a second goal with a backhand in front of the net and Corey Crawford makes a big save.

Shots Oilers 18 - Blackhawks 12

Second period

11:00 More key saves by Scrivens.
9:00 A giveaway in the defensive end leaves to Scrivens’ 17th save and almost a full line pushing and shoving match in front of the net.
4:00 - 3:00 Derek Roy is absolutely on fire. Another great sequence with Roy, support from Justin Schultz. Chicago looks feebly shorthanded as Oilers batter at them, but it is, in fact, actually 5 on 5.
1:33 Chicago can’t buy a goal as Ben Scrivens falls out of the net and the puck is loose. Oilers clear it.

Shots Oilers 11 - Blackhawks 12

Third period

18:30 Klefbom with yet another great shot, deflected off the crossbar!
6:02 BLACKHAWKS GOAL Brent Seabrook from Jonathan Toews. Tied 1 - 1.

Shots Oilers 13 - Blackhawks 13

Overtime

Great pressure by Oilers.

Shots Oilers 5 - Blackhawks 2

Total shots Oilers 47 - Blackhawks 39

00:04 PENALTY Seabrook hooking drawn by Derek Roy, who also takes an embellishment penalty 3 on 3 for 4 seconds.

Shootout

Roy - Save
Toews - Save
Eberele - Save
Sharp - Save
Purcell - Save
Vermette - Goal

Coming next…

The Oilers move on to the second of five away games in Carolina, wherever that is.

Blackhawks are going to go search "hockey strategy for dummies" on youtube. Har har. Oilers practically owned them. Shut up.

Her first NHL game. Welcome to the show. #Hawks #Oilers pic.twitter.com/rKDGH4Ocin

— NateInVegas (@NateInVegas) March 7, 2015