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How the Grinch Stole Christmas

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Cam Talbot leads the Edmonton Oilers to victory with 44 saves as his team is out-Corsied 83 to 37. Teddy Purcell with two goals and an assist, and Justin Schultz with first goal of the season as the Oilers beat the Jets 3-1.

Perry Nelson-USA TODAY Sports

Every Who Down in Whoville Liked Christmas a lot...
But the Grinch, who lived west of Whoville, Did NOT!
The Grinch hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don't ask why, just shut-up and listen!

I know we've all heard this tall tale long before,
But this time the Grinch is a goalie with more!
A goalie acquired -the talk of the town-
By a Pete Chiarelli to turn us around.
This time he's not Nilsson or Scrivens or Dubnyk,
But a goaler upheld by a Willis and WoodGyK.

The first period started at eighteen to go
With a man advantage - that's two games in a row!
Quite like our last game against the tall Yeti,
Fair Schultz and Purcell gave-up a big shorty.
But the Grinch stretched his pad way out for the puck,
Stealing the Whos' present, dissuading their luck.
The Grinch's compatriots finished their time up,
With a miss from Letestu who fumbled the puck.

A theme in this game was that the advantage was not,
The Grinch had the Whos' power play tied in knots.
In time totalling ten the Whos had fifteen Corsis,
And six Scoring Chances but they should have had more. See,
The Whos lacking fame have a PP percentage
Of fourteen, that's almost the worst with the man advantage.

Around the tenth minute the Grinch got a break.
His compatriots tried and the Whos they did shake.
At ten Hall impressed with a wrap-around,
Then Hopkins and Eberle threw the puck down,
And around with Pouliot they did try,
To put in a Goal but the Whos did deny.

Not ten seconds later did as if in a flash,
The humantorch Newfie did make a splash.
From thirty-five feet a shot he did snap,
It entered the goal and the orangemen did clap!
A few minutes later he did it again!
Purcell hit a one-timer from Draisaitl right-in!

The first period ended with our antagonist Grinch,
Stealing more goals from the Whos: "It's a cinch!"

The second continued as had ended the first,
With the Grinch stealing presents, presenting a curse.
The Whos tallied Corsis and within twenty minutes,
Had tripled our total, the Oilers looked finished.
But fame has its virtues and with it does come,
The ability to attract a Grinch, the grouchiest bar-none.

At twelve-minutes sixteen again our great Newfie,
Was involved in a play with J. Schultz, not a doozy.
Number nineteen did what he does best,
Strike to the net with his stick on a quest.
No fobbling and flipping, and flapping around,
The mighty 19 strode with stick on the ground,
To the Whos' net and thanks to a great pass,
Put the Whos' unheard-of goalie back on his ass.

With nine minutes left Taylor Hall went to the sin-bin,
But just as before the Grinch stopped Whos from scorin'.

At twelve-minutes twenty our Grinch he did cackle,
As he let Little Who get a wrister to addle,
The minds of Whos who seemed so confused,
Not able to score when faced with the Grinch ruse:

"Give them the power play and the man advantage.
As T-Bot I'll stop them, don't worry I'll manage!"

At sixteen in the second the Oilers well listened,
To the cackle from Grinch and surely did christen,
A two-man advantage, meaning four on three,
And the Whos they did giggle and tingle with glee.
But just as he promised the Grinch did deliver,
The Whos couldn't find net, not even a sliver.

The third period started in the same manner,
As Gene and Louis exchanged mindless banter.
The Whos they did Corsi and Fenwick and Shoot,
But the Grinch did stand-tall, and the commenters did moot:
"Look at how great is our draft-pick Hall,
Our draft-pick Draisailt, he crushes them all.
And let's not forget our great defender Schultz,
Who scored a great goal, let's ignore ALL his faults!
Let's long for the day when our saviour McDavid,
Will return with his collar-bone screwed and well-plated!
And the great Yakupov, first-overall,
Will return with power-play shot on the ball!"

The third period continued, and the Oilers did try,
To give-up the game to the Whos from the sky.
But the Grinch just continued to let the Whos come,
And they tallied the Fenwicks and Corsis and some,
Got Scoring Chances, but the Grinch he stood tall,
And finished the period by crushing them all.

As measured by shots the Whos they did make,
A mere forty-five, But the Grinch he did take,
Fourty-four saves with glove and with blocker,
A pad save and then a rebound to cover!

It may seem a slight to refer to the city
With Portage and Main as a Suess's who-ditty.
But it's time we were honest about our deception,
With first picks and arenas we've crafted perception,
That we are the stars of the north without question,
And Dustin Byfuglien and the Guess Whos are nothin'.