The Last Chance Dance: Win Some Sweet C&B Merch

I like you guys, our loyal and faithful commentariat. You come into our threads and you talk about hockey and other things and you spell better than I do, which is a rare commodity on these Internets of ours. As a group, you folks are clever and funny and irritatingly well-educated. It's enough to give a guy a complex, seriously.

But in one key way, you're letting me down.

Perhaps you remember our own benevolent dictator, Derek Zona, who on February 22 kicked off the Copper & Blue's new merch in style. All he asked of you was that you write a biting FanPost about Nikolai Khabibulin and his habit of driving under the influence. I was certain one of you would at least mention my posting under the influence, but we have been disappointed.

All credit to Permaculture and SumOil, who have cast some admirably solid bricks through the plate glass windows of our contest. But we know there are more than two of you out there, and that you have some basic literacy as well as the too-human need to cover your chest with fabric when out in public. I can tell you that Derek has been miserable, sobbing into his pillow and standing on a lonely Scottish moor singing a lament for the fanposts that never were.

I can't necessarily tell you that's true, but I can certainly tell you something.

I could appeal to your humanity. Or your creativity, which I know from experience is both boundless and only waiting for a chance to leap out and throttle us with your brilliance. But perhaps threats are better. If you don't go and write a FanPost about Nikolai Khabibulin's DUI, be it satirical or serious or whatever you like, I will personally make sure that the old, injury-prone, crappy, hard-drinking goalie gets a contract to stay in Edmonton beyond this year.

What? He's already signed for the next couple seasons? Aww, crap. Write a FanPost anyway, though, would you? If you're logged in to your SB Nation account and registered at the Copper & Blue, click "New FanPost" in the little box near the top right-hand side of the page. If you're not logged in or registered, do both: it's quick, free, and easier than drinking a mickey of Scotch while belting down the interstate.

(Note: in spite of that sentence, I am not eligible to win the contest.)