I Hate Ryan Kesler

Recent history has seen players like Cooke and May and Bertuzzi in Vancouver colours and now there is the pest Burrows and hard rocks like Bieksa and Ohlund and at the head of the line, Kesler, who plays with nothing but malice in his heart. Goddamn him for it but I want him on my club.

--Pat, Black Dog Hates Skunks

Pat says what I've been thinking for two years now, and he brings such poetry to the words.  I hate Ryan Kesler.  I hate that he's a big center.  I hate that he was taken with the pick directly after Marc Pouliot.  I hate that he's an effective penalty killer.  I hate that he's a defensive force.  I hate that he's a pest.  I hate that he's an agitator.  I hate that he's a Vancouver Canuck.  I hate Ryan Kesler almost as much as a I hate Alexandre Burrows, but I don't respect Burrows whatsoever.  He's gutless and he whines.  He's the worst kind of diver - he's perfect for the Vancouver Canucks.  But not Kesler.  I respect Kesler because he's the kind of guy that demands respect with his game. 

Both Scott and Tyler have written excellent posts on Kesler's stats and his worth, so I won't go into that.  Read Scott's "On the Kesler Deal" and Tyler's "Canucks Sign Kesler", they are both wonderful pieces.

"I hate them"

--Ryan Kesler, on Team Canada

That is Ryan Kesler.  On the eve of meeting the tournament's heavy favorite, he came out and said he hates them.  In an era where the underdog is always trying to cast themselves in a role against the world in a constant search for some twisted version of "respect", Kesler took the opposite tact - he said he hated the favorites and did so while standing in their country.  Malice, indeed. 

I hate Ryan Kesler because he has a big mouth, but he backs it up with his play on the ice.  He talks, oh he never stops talking.  The ice-level cameras show the venom and bile that spew forth every time he's on the ice and any time he's near the opposing bench.  That motormouth can make a television viewer grit his teeth - imagine the effect on the ice!  I hate Ryan Kesler because the Oilers haven't had a player of Kesler's ilk for a very long time.  He combines the stout own-zone play of Mike Grier with the agitation of Adam Graves with the penalty-killing ability of Todd Marchant and the offense of Jason Arnott.  He gives the Oilers that which they have not had since Esa Tikkanen and I'm jealous of that. 

I hate Ryan Kesler because he's a Canuck, and Canucks fans do not deserve him.  They are an arrogant and fair-weather bunch, showing up for games to be seen, yammering away on their cell phones and screaming out "Looooooooooooo" on every routine save, and crying about the no-call on Burrows' latest dive.

I hate Ryan Kesler because he is a modern-day Ken Linseman, an infuriating player that will step into any role and beat his opponent just because he can and he'll make sure that his opponent knows he's being beaten the entire time. I hate Ryan Kesler for signing this new contract, an affordable deal that keeps him in the Northwest for way too long.  Most of all, I hate Ryan Kesler because he's on the wrong team.  Though I hate Ryan Kesler, I want him to be an Edmonton Oiler.